socialcapital | [ JACKSON HEART ]

"Oh, it's not an imposition, I was... taking a break anyway."

He picks up and moves a bunch of books.

HIS heart isn't full of despair, but it is very anxious and lost. Learning how to be an independent person at age 21 isn't the easiest thing in the world, especially not while recovering from being nearly murdered. It's a low buzz though, rather than a crushing wave.

[He gives Umbra a moment to clean, taking that time to pour out a second cup of coffee instead of standing there awkwardly.]

For context, during my undergrad years I spent some time as an RA in the campus dorms. Based on that, I'd say you're having one of the two forms of "typical experience" that I've seen.

"What are the two forms...?"

He clears the couch and pats the empty spot.

[He walks back over, taking the offered spot. His hands mirror Umbra's; wrapping around his cup in clear comfort.]

The first contains all the stereotypes one usually thinks of. Alcohol, sex, drugs, late night parties, skipping classes. The combination of being on one's own and no longer being considered a child means that some do go wild with it, though not as many as you'd think.

Very obviously, that's not the experience I'm speaking of here.

"Oh. No. I'm on my best behaviour."

He sips the coffee.

The other comes from those who are genuinely alone, often for the first time. Those who have never done laundry, or budgeted for groceries, or had to dedicate time outside of classes for studying. The ones who are genuinely trying their best, but who find the world they're in now to be very different from the one they'd known.

"Oh hey, that's me. Glad to know I'm doing it... right?"

You are. By most measures, I would say you're doing extremely well. Though I also suspect, from your perspective, that it doesn't yet feel like it.

"I feel reaaaaaaaaaally dumb if I'm honest."

You're welcome to be honest. My discretion in this business is absolute -- and while you are not directly my employer, the same courtesy and expectations apply.

[He nods to the textbooks.]

You're new to this field, aren't you?

"Yeah. I had to do a career change really suddenly..."

You have my sympathies. My switch into engineering was likewise abrupt.

It was... difficult. I could follow the concepts we were learning at the time, but I would lack basic knowledge that others viewed as so fundamental as to not be worth mentioning. One concept would leap to the next, and I felt like I was the only one falling into the gaps in between.

"I'm not good at being bad at things..."

He sighs and takes a sip of coffee.

"Once I catch up I'm sure it'll work out. I just have to, y'know, buckle down."

I suffered from being... very independent. And likely more stubborn than I should have been.

Working as a TA now, I see how easy it would have been to ask for help. But I never did.

"... I wanna make a good impression on the new Family. They're supporting me in these courses, so..."

Is it the weight of their expectations driving you, or your own sense of gratitude?

"They haven't like... made any demands, but I don't want to only leech off of them."

[He smiles, soft.]

If you would excuse the presumption: it sounds like those involved care for you quite a bit. And that they care for you as a person, rather than a resource.

"Well, some do, but a couple of people isn't the whole Family."

Is it the entirety of the Family who is supporting you in this career change?

"Well, not the ENTIRETY, no, that's a huge organization. But more than just one."

So: as much as you're on your own, and starting on a path different from whatever world you last knew, you do have people behind you supporting you. And rather than being beholden to their demands or expectations, it's your own stubborn determination that's the main force driving you.

[He takes a sip of coffee, the cup mostly hiding his smile.]

At this rate, I'm afraid I'm going to end up finding you rather admirable.

"I'm really not. I'm just a guy trying to learn accounting."

Your studies have clearly not yet exposed you to the great number of people in this world who mindlessly accumulate debt with absolutely no thought or awareness for how to properly pay it back down, or to address what is owed before it grows out of hand.

He thinks about this a little and then thinks about how not very long ago he was in financial control hell world and just continues to be like :x.

"Well... I mean, I knew in general..."

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