socialcapital | [ JACKSON HEART ]

"Oh. No. I'm on my best behaviour."

He sips the coffee.

The other comes from those who are genuinely alone, often for the first time. Those who have never done laundry, or budgeted for groceries, or had to dedicate time outside of classes for studying. The ones who are genuinely trying their best, but who find the world they're in now to be very different from the one they'd known.

"Oh hey, that's me. Glad to know I'm doing it... right?"

You are. By most measures, I would say you're doing extremely well. Though I also suspect, from your perspective, that it doesn't yet feel like it.

"I feel reaaaaaaaaaally dumb if I'm honest."

You're welcome to be honest. My discretion in this business is absolute -- and while you are not directly my employer, the same courtesy and expectations apply.

[He nods to the textbooks.]

You're new to this field, aren't you?

"Yeah. I had to do a career change really suddenly..."

You have my sympathies. My switch into engineering was likewise abrupt.

It was... difficult. I could follow the concepts we were learning at the time, but I would lack basic knowledge that others viewed as so fundamental as to not be worth mentioning. One concept would leap to the next, and I felt like I was the only one falling into the gaps in between.

"I'm not good at being bad at things..."

He sighs and takes a sip of coffee.

"Once I catch up I'm sure it'll work out. I just have to, y'know, buckle down."

I suffered from being... very independent. And likely more stubborn than I should have been.

Working as a TA now, I see how easy it would have been to ask for help. But I never did.

"... I wanna make a good impression on the new Family. They're supporting me in these courses, so..."

Is it the weight of their expectations driving you, or your own sense of gratitude?

"They haven't like... made any demands, but I don't want to only leech off of them."

[He smiles, soft.]

If you would excuse the presumption: it sounds like those involved care for you quite a bit. And that they care for you as a person, rather than a resource.

"Well, some do, but a couple of people isn't the whole Family."

Is it the entirety of the Family who is supporting you in this career change?

"Well, not the ENTIRETY, no, that's a huge organization. But more than just one."

So: as much as you're on your own, and starting on a path different from whatever world you last knew, you do have people behind you supporting you. And rather than being beholden to their demands or expectations, it's your own stubborn determination that's the main force driving you.

[He takes a sip of coffee, the cup mostly hiding his smile.]

At this rate, I'm afraid I'm going to end up finding you rather admirable.

"I'm really not. I'm just a guy trying to learn accounting."

Your studies have clearly not yet exposed you to the great number of people in this world who mindlessly accumulate debt with absolutely no thought or awareness for how to properly pay it back down, or to address what is owed before it grows out of hand.

He thinks about this a little and then thinks about how not very long ago he was in financial control hell world and just continues to be like :x.

"Well... I mean, I knew in general..."

In general, it is not even solely a financial matter. Societal debts and debts of gratitude are just as likely to be leveraged by the unscrupulous, or to be accumulated by the ignorant or unwary to the point where backlash is nearly inevitable.

Being actively aware of and proactively engaged in balancing such things is a trait few I have interacted with possess. Most particularly among those I have shared lodgings with.

"I, well, I'm very aware of all that at least... it sounds like you've really had a rough time, huh..."

[SEEN.]

[Well. It is Umbra. This is... fine.]

It... has been a journey. And I can say that I'm happy with where that journey has brought me.

[His gaze is fixed on the inside of his cup.]

The parts that were... bumpier... are not something you should be troubled by. You have more than enough concerns of your own.

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