socialcapital | [ JACKSON HEART ]

Umbra gives him a kiss back - there's some indistinct but unique quality to what is basically kissing the combined whole of his personality and being, but it's not really different from normal. It's like Kiss+.

[Like he's literally holding the complete personification of Umbra's heart in his hands.

It's not a bad feeling. Not at all.]

I missed you.

"You didn't run into too much trouble, did you?"

None at all, unless you count a very earnest musician asking me to stay through practice or come to a concert.

"Oh, you probably wouldn't have liked the concert, huh? I had fun with them, but they're very loud if you're not used to it."

It would have been very loud. And given the moments captured in such places, I had no guarantee that it would not also include a near-fatal knife injury.

"... The chances were low."

The chances were not zero. And as much self-control as I possess, I could not guarantee my behaviour in a situation like that.

As it was, it's best if I never meet your Estorian family members.

"They don't really feature heavily in that area. At least not directly. Well, I was thinking about it though and I might owe you a bit of an apology for the music trauma. A lot of today's rock music sounds the way it does because of my influence, so..."

Please understand that the nature of the music in question is secondary at best. It could have been any genre -- classical or blues or free-form steel drums. The trauma came for the repeated nights without peace or rest, not from the music itself.

"It's not just that rock is loud?"

It is not.

It's a particular negative association with certain instruments and rhythms, and a lack of exposure to any amount of music in my life before that.

"So if we avoid those instruments and rhythms, and only do it when you'd be awake anyway... you could work your way up to hearing me play?"

Potentially?

Done gradually, even those might be fine. I may never come to enjoy music the way that you do, but I do know that I enjoy you.

"It would be hard for anyone to enjoy it as much as I do. But I like to share things with people when I like them, so... I'll be patient about it though. And if you want you can get one free pass for, I dunno, a growing and learning experience you want me to try. As a trade."

I'll think about it.

[For now, he's going to reach over, pulling Umbra fully into his lap.]

You already experienced the part of me I expected to be the most difficult.

He settles in comfortably.

"Which part?"

The demon part...? Murderer, invader, enemy of humankind?

I realize Estorians have been more easygoing than most, but it is significant.

"Oh. Yeah. I was expecting to be more scared... But you're still you either way, so..."

I was not expecting the 'what' to be secondary to the 'who'

[He curls his fingers against the side of Umbra's neck.]

Nor did I think that side of me would make you feel safe.

This version of him is dressed casually - what's more private than the inside of his own heart, after all? - so the knife scar, at least, is visible.

"I think if you hadn't been all handsome with a cute tail and cute ears I might have had a harder time. Like, I know that sounds like a joke, and it's sort of a joke, I'm not that shallow, but I do think I would have had genuine trouble if you were like..."

He wiggles a hand.

"Ape-shaped...?"

'Cute'...

[He shakes his head, fond and amused.]

I have remembered no demons that match your memories. So that clan, at least, seems a product of Creation alone.

"They're cute. You're cute and handsome in both your forms. And honestly, if I met a Blood Ape today they'd have more reason to be afraid of me than the other way around, but. I would be happy not to run into any of them."

I would be content if the things you encounter in your life going forward are primarily ones that make you happy.

Even if had no barriers to accepting your younger self's invitation, I'm not sure I would have enjoyed seeing you perform like that. No matter how sweet a caged bird's song, or how captivating their performance, they are still singing from within their cage.

I've come to better understand your views on that.

"You probably would have found a lot of the lyrics concerning, too."

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