socialcapital | [ JACKSON HEART ]

"It'll be a lot easier to do things in private when I don't have half a dozen roommates, don't worry."

Even so.

I can recognize that my flustering is also a source of your happiness.

"Well. Yes. But it's just because otherwise you're so composed and elegant! Seeing you fussy or flustered is really cute!"

Even knowing that, hearing you say it...

"You think it's kind of cute when I get flustered too, right? Or like, if not that, various other traits that are cute because they're not part of my usual presentation? It's like that!"

I can recognize that. But it does not make the weight of the reality of it any easier.

"I also think you're very elegant and dignified and calm, and in your demon form you have very lovely and shiny armor and you look very intimidating. If that helps."

[He just drops his head onto Umbra's shoulder and groans. Pitifully.]

He pets Satin's hair.

"And also you're so sweet to me and you're a very hard worker and I love you."

I still don't understand you.

But I recognize that I would not find you as compatible as I do if those tendencies were any less.

"Am I hard to understand?"

He says this with his whole mouth like this is news to him and not like, an image he deliberately conveys 90% of the time.

You're a former rock star and a successful accountant who has become attached to an impoverished student. Or, alternatively, a chosen of the Unconquered Sun and an underground hero who is attached to a demon.

You don't find either of those things strange?

"Well, if you look at it another way, I'm someone who comes from a background of huge instability and stress who got attached to someone who's really supportive and calm, right? Or someone who comes from a background with lots of danger who got attached to someone strong and protective."

Posing a different question doesn't answer the first one.

"Okay then. I don't find either of the things you asked strange."

That's the part that's hard to understand.

I can predict your reactions, to a certain degree -- enough to anticipate what will make you happy, or what will be uncomfortable. And I can understand something of the additional factors that influence your decisions, like how you value strength, and stability.

But when it comes to how you prioritize those factors, or why one would outweigh the other... my other life has no experience where who and what I am was not the primary concern.

You, and this experience, are achingly unique.

"Well, I don't mind being part of a unique experience. I like you. That's more important to me than anything else."

I find that the most indisputable point as well.

Are there any other fears or insecurities I can address while I'm here?

"Oh, um... no, I don't think so? Are there any you have that I can address?"

As particular as it might seem, my largest one has been that I would not notice something was troubling you until after it had caused a significant impact.

There's a long pause as he considers how realistically likely that is.

...

He frowns. It's realistically likely.

"Well, I'll tell you then. Do you still want to know even if it's not something you did wrong?"

Of course. Such things impact you no matter what the source is, don't they?

"They do, yeah. I'll tell you even if it's something like stubbing my toe then."

It would be an effective way to have me carry you to your next destination.

"It would be... I do like how you can carry me..."

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