socialcapital | [ JACKSON HEART ]

"They're cute. You're cute and handsome in both your forms. And honestly, if I met a Blood Ape today they'd have more reason to be afraid of me than the other way around, but. I would be happy not to run into any of them."

I would be content if the things you encounter in your life going forward are primarily ones that make you happy.

Even if had no barriers to accepting your younger self's invitation, I'm not sure I would have enjoyed seeing you perform like that. No matter how sweet a caged bird's song, or how captivating their performance, they are still singing from within their cage.

I've come to better understand your views on that.

"You probably would have found a lot of the lyrics concerning, too."

Yes. Though I suspect it would have been less the lyrics themselves, and more the emotions you radiated while singing them.

"Yeah... I liked it, the performing part. But it was hard to... stop, y'know?"

I do.

... on a personal note, I also suspect the level to which I would find you compelling would be both uncomfortable and embarrassing. Navigating encounters with your younger selves like that would have been challenging.

He blinks.

"You mean, like..."

It was better for me to depart when I did. Especially knowing your propensity for keeping your blessing active for as long after a show as you could.

"Yes, I absolutely would have tried to sleep with you, probably."

And that "you" would not have been you. There would have been none of your trust, or welcome, or indulgent laughter. You would not have looked at me with recognition, or with eyes that soften at their edges.

There was a time when I was much more compatible with that kind of experience. But these days... it no longer holds my interest.

"Yeah, that part of me... well, there are a lot of parts of me that are closed off against other people."

And I did not have the time, here, to win my way through your defenses again.

Though if there was no other alternative, I would.

Edited 2026-03-22 01:57 (UTC)

"If anyone could have done it, it'd be you. But I didn't need every wall knocked down, just a chip off the surface. And you did that wonderfully."

[The slow, slow click of a piece falling into place.]

You... know what I did, here?

"All those paths had pieces of me in them. I know, in here, what you said to any given part of me, but when I wake up I won't be consciously aware."

[He buries his face against Umbra's shoulder, arms going around his waist.]

That... should not be embarrassing. And yet...

He pets Satin's hair.

"I feel very supported and encouraged, and I love you, if that helps."

[He makes an indistinct and only slightly pathetic sound against Umbra's shirt, pulling him closer.]

Your other self was still himself. Of all of you, he recognized me.

Soothing pets. pet pet pet.

"Well, he split off from me a little in that one performance. He wasn't a collection of memories like the other paths. Actually, he could come out here if he wanted."

It would be good for him if he did. But I imagine he's still determined to hold himself in that past, and to assert that he has no say in your collective future.

"He's usually less stuck than that. And he does come out every so often. Just, you know..."

He makes a gesture like he's separating piles of things.

"He had to be flour for a bit, I guess..."

I like to think of him more as the icing decorations on top. Nothing is truly lost of they're put aside, but one does recognize their absence.

After all, you were both that child in the greenhouse. And the one in the market, too.

"Yeah. And he might not have been the one on stage back then, but since the boat it's been both of us... well, I know the way we split is kind of unusual too."

A little, but you are not the only ones I know who were so affected. It seems particularly common among those with a particularly stubborn and separate sense of priorities.

I consider it one of your charm points.

"Even if it seems we're both a little softer than you expected, in the end?"

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